You know you're out there when...

Cabela's doesn't have what you need.

Some of you may be aware of my food obsession - the do-it-yourself trend. I make my own jerky (beef and venison) and yogurt. I even tried my hand at soft cheeses using black market milk. Don't get me started with enzymes and curd making. (No details to be provided in a public forum, but rest assured, public health was not compromised. And it tasted great.)

Last November, I purchased a smoker, and have used it with great success. It provides the taste of cooking over an open fire, without the drawbacks of traditional camping, like mosquitoes, and I still get to sleep in my own bed at night. To complete the picture, my cousin has recently provided me with a smoking jacket. My smoker already had an insulating jacket.

Now, my deep love of dairy is colliding with my deep love of smoke flavored goodness: smoked mozzarella. Cheese melts at the temperatures typically associated with smoking meat. You must keep it under 90 F to avoid disaster. Google an assortment of terms, and you quickly come to the realization that there is not a commercial product for this. Do-it-yourself cold smoker instructions abound on the web. (Who would have thought I'd ever find myself wanting to purchase a hot plate?)

So, I'm not the only one with this obsession. But it does give me pause to need (or at least want quite badly) something so niche.

I'm reading "The thing about life is that one day you'll be dead" by David Shields. He states that "Older people are more susceptible to distraction, have trouble coordinating multiple tasks, and have decreased attention spans."

So let me express my concern in another way: How will you know that I've finally lost it, when I've always been way out here?